


The Bombshell & The Ragger: An Unexpected Interlude

by MercurialBianca_TheHonorableMrsMcCarthy



Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: F/M, canon adjacent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-05-26 06:03:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6226756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercurialBianca_TheHonorableMrsMcCarthy/pseuds/MercurialBianca_TheHonorableMrsMcCarthy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's easy to dismiss Angela Lombard as a low rent Yankee version of Phryne but I decided to flesh her out a bit and see if we couldn't find something to like about her. Having an interlude with our beloved Bert seemed like a good place to start. Because Bert. And I think we can all agree that Bert is sorely lacking in female companionship. That's basically the entire premise for this story. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seeing Red

“Bert, I know Cec is tied up this afternoon with Alice but I have a potentially dangerous assignment for you.”

“Oi, let it be known that Bert Johnson is capable of holding his own Miss Fisher. What’s the job?”

“I need you to ensure that Angela Lombard makes it to her ship to return to America.”

Bert looked at Miss Fisher waiting for her expression to change to let him in on the joke, instead he felt her eyes piercing his.

“Are you bloody serious?” Phryne slid her sunglasses down and gave him a look that told him she most certainly was. “I don’t need backup to handle a Sheila, especially some tennis playing Yank.”

“Hmmm, she is more of a handful than you think, Bert.” And with that, she turned on her heel and departed for the house.

As long as she was kept far away from Jack she didn’t really care what, or whom, Angela did during her final day in Melbourne.

In all his time working for her he couldn’t remember Miss Fisher sounding so out of sorts when it came to another woman. He’d seen photos of this Angela Lombard in the paper playing tennis and didn’t see what the fuss was about, but there had been whispers at the pub about a red-headed bombshell putting the moves on the Inspector.

Ah, that was it wasn’t it? Miss Fisher wanted her far away from her man. Now that was something Bert could appreciate. While he still had issues with how the police department was run as a whole, he had begrudgingly found that Inspector Robinson seemed a fairly stand-up sort of bloke. And, if he made Miss Fisher happy, well then, that was good enough for him.

Bert made his way to the pool to meet his charge. He spotted Angela lounging on a deck chair. Toffs, he snorted to himself. Must be nice to have nothing but a day of leisure to look forward to while the people who do the real work buzz around you. He took one last drag on his cigarette and then tossed it onto the patio, stomping it out in disgust.

As Bert got closer he could see that Angela had recently taken a dip in the pool because her bathing costume now clung to her like a second skin. This was definitely not the Angela in the loose tennis whites from the papers. The stripes on her suit accentuated her curves in a way that made him even warmer than he already was from the August afternoon sun.

He was starting to re-think his initial irritation with this assignment. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all. Suddenly a bit self-conscious, he ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to make himself more presentable as he made his approach.

“Jeepers, what do they put in the water here? Are all the men of Australia this handsome or did Miss Fisher make some kind of deal with the Devil?” She was peering over her sunglasses and shamelessly sizing him up and down.

Bert couldn’t help but smile. He did appreciate a woman who was direct. Especially one with shapely legs and a very short skirt.

“You sure don’t talk like any of the toffs I’ve ever met.”

“Oh honey, I’m from America, the land of opportunity. My ex-husband is the toff.  If I hadn’t been able to fill out a tennis dress this well, on top of having a tremendous backhand, I might have ended up in the secretarial pool vying with the other gold-diggers. Believe me, I was definitely not born with a silver spoon in my mouth.”

Bert couldn’t help taking in her shape as she talked. She was right about the ability to fill out a dress. He estimated Angela’s breasts were a proper handful, not too big and definitely not too small.

Angela had always enjoyed getting a reaction out of men. And she thought she was off to a very promising start with this one. He was rougher around the edges than her usual play things but he had an undeniable air about him that was intriguing. And damn if he didn’t have the bluest eyes.

“Say, what do I call you anyway?”

“Name’s, Albert Johnson.”

“Well, Albert Johnson, I’m thinking you might be just the right sort of fella to help a girl forget her troubles. Are you?”

Bert chuckled. “Not many times anyone’s said I helped them forget their troubles. I reckon I am more of the trouble starting sort.”

Angela grinned and cocked an eyebrow at Bert. “Now that sounds promising.” She studied him for a minute, then rose from her lounge chair and sauntered over to him. She put a hand on his vest, idly toying with the buttons and looked up at him. “Just what kind of trouble would a fella like you get up to, exactly?”

“Pretty sure the kind of trouble you’re offering Miss Lombard.”

“Hmm, this afternoon is looking far more interesting by the minute. I think you better start calling me Angela.”

“Then, I guess you better call me Bert.”

The two held each other’s gaze before Bert decided to see if she was just a flirt or really meant business. Only one way to find out, he leaned down and kissed her. She met his lips eagerly. As they began to separate Angela held Bert’s bottom lip between her teeth briefly before releasing him. The move left him a little breathless. Clearly, she meant business.

Angela turned and started walking towards the changing room.

Bert swallowed hard. He was a man who liked to feel in control of his circumstances and that was quickly slipping away from him. It was just a kiss, _Bert, pull yourself together! Has it really been so long that you’re willing to chase after the first bird who offers it up to you?_

He tried to anchor himself by tapping into his senses. He could hear birds in the trees. _That’s good, stay grounded._ He could also hear the soft squishing of the suit rubbing between Angela’s legs as she walked. _Ugh._ Alright, he could smell gardenia. _Hmm, the garden or the lingering effects of her perfume?_ Taste, _sigh, Angela Lombard’s bloody lipstick_. Touch. Feet on the concrete patio, excellent. _Steady as a rock_. Sight. He opened his eyes to the very lovely view of her backside in motion. _Damn_. Also touch? The erection starting to strain his trousers.

Just then, Angela paused in her departure. She turned her head over one shoulder. “You coming, Bert?”

He cautiously looked around, although he couldn't really say why, and in just a few strides made up the the distance to catch up with her.


	2. well-matched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bert and Angela are each full of surprises.

He grabbed her waist and pulled her to him and growled in her ear “You don’t exactly stand on ceremony, do you? But let’s be clear, I ain’t no pushover for toffs.” 

She smiled to herself and decided she would never get tired of Australian accents.

“Honey, I am just looking to make a bit whoopee before I leave this crazy country. You’re more hard boiled than I’m used to but I’m rather keen on you anyway. So, we can keep talking or we can work on getting me out of these wet things. What do you say, Bert?”

His face relaxed into a smile and the two stumbled the rest of the short distance to the changing rooms, a combination of inquisitive hands and quiet giggles.

Once they were secreted away behind closed doors, Bert pushed Angela up against a wall and kissed her lips feverishly. He brought his hands up and slid her sunglasses off her face. It was the first time he had really had a chance to look into her chestnut eyes. “What’s with the bombshell act, Angela? You are beautiful enough on your own without it.”

She drew in a breath of surprise and gave him a bit of a sardonic smile. She gently pushed him away. “Now honey, let's’ remember we’re here for a bit of fun. Don’t go getting stuck on me, okay?” She pulled off her hat and tossed at a nearby chair. She tried to keep a lighter tone but he noticed some of the affected coquettish voice of minute ago was gone.

“Whatever you say...Angela.”

“Mmm, now we're talking. And I do like the sound of my name on your lips. With what I have in mind, I think I’ll hear it a few more times today.”

Bert reclaimed the space between them and put his hands on either side of her head. “And just what do you have in mind...Angela.”

The two locked lips again, parting their lips enough that Bert was able to tease in his tongue. Angela responded in kind and they stood there like that for awhile. Teasing and tasting each other before Angela slid her hands up Bert’s chest to undo the buttons on his vest. And then his shirt underneath. Bert straightened up a bit to shrug out of both garments and Angela took the opportunity to run her hands down his braces to the fly of his trousers. 

After unfastening them she ran her hands back up his chest to lower the braces down his arms. About mid-way down she tugged and flipped them so that Bert was now pinned to the wall.   
Bert released a surprised cry that soon became a moan as Angela worked her hands into his trousers and began unfastening his smalls.

She let out an inarticulate sound of her own as her hands came into contact with his flesh. “Oh gee! What do we have here.” 

It wasn’t that Bert was overly large or long. No, the surprise for most was that Bert had two very good sized balls. The size had thrown off some of his past partners who weren’t sure what do with them and often ignored them when they were having sex. He searched her face with uncertainty and anticipation. It wouldn’t be the first time a dalliance had been stopped abruptly.

“Bert love, don't look so worried, you forget what these hands are used to.” She firmly but gently took hold of him before continuing "You've clearly never been with a gal who plays tennis."

She was right, he hadn't. And he was rapidly realizing the error in that. Her fingers were strong and her callouses created a pleasing friction. Bert's breath hitched as Angela sank to her knees in front of him. She took both hands to remove all of him from his smalls. “You are definitely the sort of fella to help a girl forget her troubles.”

She teased his tip with her tongue before surrounding him with her warm lips. Which felt even warmer as her body temperature continued to adjust after being in the pool. The myriad sensations from her tongue and hands had Bert's heart racing and his breathing becoming shallow.

He looked down to catch Angela looking up at him through her long lashes. Her lips sliding up and down his length while her strong hand was filled with the rest of him. She then released his length with her mouth, eliciting a small whimper from Bert. She tilted her head and instead of retreating she dipped down to take his balls in her mouth. “Oh fuck that feels good!” he grunted. But it was when she slid her finger behind his balls that Bert started seeing stars.

“Whoever taught you that deserves a bloody medal.” he managed between gasps.

Bert grasped at the wall behind him with one hand, the other flew out to the top of her head to steady himself. He was dangerously close to release and his knees were growing weak. He was hopeful but didn’t want to make assumptions, so he rasped out “Angela...oh, fuck Angela...I’m close, love.”

Her response was to slide her free hand around to his ass and squeeze. She released his balls and returned her attentions to his cock. Her tongue brushing against his sensitive tip before taking him into her mouth down to the hilt. The undulations of her tongue and throat sent him right over the edge. His release started with a groan that rapidly turned into a roar in a surge towards release.

Bert slid down the wall to the ground and took a few moments to catch his breath. Angela took a look at her handy work and was incredibly pleased with herself. His hair flopped over his forehead. Hi clothes in disarray. Breathless and sated. Damn if Bert didn't look even sexier when he was disheveled and spent.


	3. More Afternoon Delights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bert and Angela shed more layers both literally and figuratively.

Bert glanced over to Angela and realized she was ogling him. A wicked smile spread across his face. “Well don’t you just look like the cat who caught the canary?” He reached out for Angela and pulled her into a rough embrace. “We never did get you out of this suit, love. And as good as you look in it. I am damn well looking forward to seeing you out of it.”

He nuzzled her neck. Then sucked, bit and kissed his way down her collarbone to her shoulder. Then he slid the shoulder straps down slowly, kissing every inch of her as flesh became exposed. Angela was surprised with his ability to be firm but tender at the same time. 

As her breasts came into view Bert was thrilled that his assessment at the pool had been correct, she did fit his hand perfectly. He took one of her nipples in his mouth while his hand kneaded and teased the other one. Bert let a hand wander down her torso and tugged at the suit. The still damp fabric resisted as he came to her hips.

Angela couldn’t help but smile at the look of frustration that was forming on Bert’s face. “Bert honey, I think I may need a minute to handle the rest of this suit on my own. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

They kissed deeply once more before he helped her stand up. She sauntered over to one of the changing booths. Bert enjoyed watching her walk away, her red hair coming down in tendrils across her naked back and the top of her suit hanging from her waist, framing her hips beautifully. She must have felt his eyes on her because she turned back towards him and blew him a kiss before closing the changing room door.

While Angela was disrobing Bert took the opportunity to get up off the floor. He looked down at himself, hanging out of his trousers, his cock smeared with her ruby lipstick. His trousers now sported an Angela shaped wet spot across the front of them from where she had been sitting on his lap. He shook his head at his own folly and decided he should go ahead and strip as well. He pulled off his singlet in a fluid motion and tossed it on a chair. He slid his trousers and smalls off and laid them flat on one of the changing benches. He hoped the warm summer afternoon would give them half a chance to dry before he had to be seen out in public.

He found a small towel to wipe the lipstick off himself and then made himself comfortable on the padded bench. He took in his surroundings. He’d never been in the changing room before. He and Cec had been over to Mrs. Stanley’s quite a bit in the past year but had yet to be invited to take a swim, even when Arthur was alive. The pool room was as big as his humble flat and every piece of furniture more expensive by a mile. Bert had to chuckle as he imagined the horrified expression on Mrs. Stanley’s face if she knew he was lounging about inside her changing room, naked, and with some Yankee tennis tart no less. 

“Well aren’t you a regular Sheik right now?”

He had been lost in thought and hadn’t heard her emerge from the changing room. She had taken down the rest of her hair and it was as if she was emerging from a fire. The pinkness of her nipples and nude lips a sweet counterpart to the shades of coppery red falling across her breasts and emerging from between her legs. Her red lips had been sexy, but he had always enjoyed his women without lipstick. He preferred to taste their essence instead of the perfumey and waxy mix of cosmetics. 

“And you’ve turned out to be a right bearcat, love. With easily two of the most beautiful bubs I’ve ever laid eyes on. But now, I need to know if you taste as good as you look.”

He pulled her onto the bench with him in one fluid movement. Then slid down her body, leaving a trail of kisses as he made his way from her breasts down across her taut torso, finally reaching the soft curls that led to her entrance. Angela cooed appreciatively as his mouth blazed down her flesh. “You’re serious?” Angela asked incredulously. Angela had grown accustomed to giving that kind of pleasure but it was rarely reciprocated and the results were often so underwhelming she had all but stopped requesting it.

“You’re damn right I am.” Was the reply, right before he disappeared between her legs.

_ Definitely retiring to Australia _ was her first thought, right about the time Bert’s tongue began to tease open her labia. Groans of pleasure escaped her lips as her body responded to Bert’s eager tongue, pulsing, swirling and fluttering inside her. Angela was used to putting on a show for her lovers, especially when they went to give her oral pleasure. It was often a way to help end unsatisfying or even uncomfortable technique.

Bert paused suddenly and popped his head up. “Angela love, look at me.” 

_ I knew it was too good to be true _ she sighed and propped herself up on her arms to look at him. 

“This is going to be a whole lot more fun for both of us if you stop acting.”

_ He could tell? _ She searched his eyes, urging him to say more.

“I’m guessing your usual toffs don’t know what the Hell they’re doing. Trust me love, I do. So don’t make a big show of it on my account. If it really ain’t revving your engine, let me know. Engines happen to be my specialty.”

She gave him a crooked smile and nodded her head. Staring down her own torso into those piercing eyes of his managed to get her wet all over again.

He gave her a wink and then plunged his tongue back inside making a very indecent sound of pleasure as he lapped up her dripping excitement. Angela let out an inarticulate sound of her own, but this time it was raw, primal and completely genuine.

She could see Bert’s eyes twinkle in response and he gave her an affirming wiggle with his eyebrows. She couldn’t help but giggle at the site and the mix of his tongue with her inner walls contracting because of the laughter created a new and thrilling sensation inside her.

He brought his hands up underneath her thighs and gripped her firmly. She felt secure, she felt desired, she felt….unbelievably sexy. She surrendered herself completely to the moment. She focused on the sensations of her body. The pulsing through her nipples that radiated through her breasts. The feel of his rough afternoon skin against her thighs. The mingling scents of their musk. She looked back down at Bert who looked very content with his eyes closed, lost in his own moment bobbing between her creamy thighs. She felt the slow building ache inside her. The feeling of her breath becoming shallow in her chest. The small sighs, whimpers and cries she realized she was making.

She lifted her legs up and settled her feet on Bert’s back. The changed angle brought a new wave of sensation and she arched her back in response. She knew she was close to release. This had always been tricky for her. She rarely had a chance to let go completely with a lover. Would she overthink this moment or lose herself to it? And then she realized she had begun rocking her hips. Gentle, smaller thrusts into Bert’s tongue. The ache grew stronger. Her thrusts became faster, the sensations on her clit causing a vibration that was overtaking her ability to think.

His tongue curled and swept along the edge of her clit and she felt the tension of the ache release in a delicious wave. She let her head fall back and moaned. She heard and felt Bert hum appreciatively but he didn’t stop and he didn’t let go. He softened his grip but still held her close. And his tongue continued to play with the sensitive nerve endings. A few breaths later another wave of ecstasy crashed through her. This time she called out his name as the force of the wave caused her to sit up and grab the back of his head for purchase.

He disengaged his mouth, then pressed his lips to her inner thigh in a kiss. It was his turn to look pleased and utterly satisfied at his handiwork. An aftershock of pleasure rolled through her along with a small mew. He caressed her outer thighs with his slightly rough hands and leaned against her.

“How you feeling, love?”

It was a fair question. And one she couldn’t answer clearly at the moment. She felt herself blink slowly. She wasn’t sure what to say because she was sure she had never quite felt anything like that before. Her hand came up and cradled her face. She felt her cheeks flushed and warm and gave him a very sheepish smile.

“That was...unexpected. Is that how you treat all your dames? If so, how on earth are you still single?” 

Bert blushed under the praise. She guided him up towards her and they kissed. Rougher than before. Lips parted. Tongues darted, swirled and teased each other. As their hands caressed each other and legs entwined, she felt his erection growing against her hip. 

“Bert honey, I want you inside me,...now.” She breathed against his lips.

A cloud passed over the desire on his face. “Angela love, this whole afternoon ain’t gone exactly to plan.” He saw the concern on her face and quickly continue. “Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change anything. You’ve been one of the best surprises I’ve had working for Miss Fisher. It just means I ain’t prepared, if you catch my meaning? I don’t have anything with me. Do you?”

Of course, she thought. We didn’t talk about this. “Bert honey, we didn’t do a whole lot of talking before now. But long story short, I can’t get pregnant. I gotta say though, you are an absolute angel of a man for checking.”

And with that, she showered his face with butterfly kisses as she swept her leg over his hip in invitation. 

“Angel isn’t exactly what I am feeling like right now, Angela.”    
“Then let’s see if we can’t raise a little Hell.”


	4. Forgetting, together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These two continue to intrigue each other. A few revelations and continued explorations. Enjoy!

He opened his eyes and tried to figure out if it had been minutes or hours since he dropped off. He raised his head and could just make out the light streaming in from the other room. It seemed to be coming in from a reasonable angle so he couldn’t have been out for too long.

However, after the work out he’d just experienced he wasn’t sure he could trust what day it was. He had to smile as snippets came back him.

_“Trust me Bert, just push my leg a little further to, oh yes! There, right there!”_

_“How are you at both places at once, love? Wait, don’t care, just never stop doing that.”_

Bert hadn’t been one for random dalliances before but there was something about Angela.

He needed a cigarette in the worst way. Alas, his cigarette case was in his vest pocket which, at the moment, was just out of reach. Making a grab for it would require disentangling himself from the strong arms and warm breasts that were anchoring him to his present location. He was conflicted. He had just started to weigh the pros and cons of moving when Angela suddenly raised herself up.

“Oh jeez, how long were we asleep?”

“Not too long, I’d wager. There seems to be quite a bit of sun still in the sky.” Now that she was awake, Bert saw his chance to stretch out his arm and reach for his cigarettes and lighter. “But one thing has me thinking, what kind of ocean liner starts this late in the day?”

Angela took the cigarette and lighter from Bert’s hand. He started to protest, thinking she wasn’t going to let him smoke. Instead, she stunned him yet again when she put the cigarette in her own mouth, lit it, took a drag and then reached over to put it in Bert’s parted lips.

Bert let out a contented sigh as he took his first drag. That may have been the sexiest thing she had done yet as far as Bert was concerned. He smiled contentedly and pulled Angela in a little closer. He was a man of simple pleasures and would challenge any man to tell him there was something better than lying naked with a beautiful set of curves in your arms and a ciggy on your lips.

“Well I am only headed to Sydney, but that’s not until tomorrow.” Angela propped herself up on an elbow and looked at Bert with amusement in her eyes. “Wait, did Miss Fisher tell you I was shipping out today?”

He furrowed his brow trying to remember “Now that you mention it, she didn’t exactly say. Just _make sure Anglea makes it on her ship to America_.”

“So you’re supposed to be my chaperone for the next 24 hours? Just how much trouble does she imagine I will get into around here. I don’t know whether I should be insulted or flattered.”

“For what it’s worth, she did seem extra cozy with the Inspector these past few days. And she did mention you were potentially dangerous.”

“Potentially dangerous? Then I’ll go with flattered.” She stole the cigarette from his lips and placed it between her own to take a deep drag.

“Now I’m starting to wonder which one I should be.” He grumbled.

Angela looked at him fondly and handed back the cigarette. “Bert honey, I’m sure Miss Fisher suspected we’d be capable of amusing ourselves. She and I do seem to have similar appetites. But not even she could have anticipated things would go quite as well as this. I know I wouldn’t have.”

Her voice was the softest he’d heard it. And all of the flirty squeaks were gone.

“You’re not fixin’ to get soft on me now, are you?”

“I think it would be pretty easy for a gal to get soft on you Bert.”

“Now you’re just having a go at me.” He crossed his arms in a huff.

“No. I may be a tease but I’m never cruel. I wouldn’t lie about a thing like that.”

To prove her point she leaned over, plucked the cigarette from his mouth and gave him a soft, deep kiss. He uncrossed his arms so that she could lean into him and have more body contact.

When they parted she looked at him quizzically. “If you don’t mind my asking, how come you don’t have a sweetheart?”

“Who says I don’t?”

“You don’t strike me as the kind of fella who takes a tumble with one gal when he’s sweet on another.”

“Yeah? So what kinda fella do I strike you as?” He shifted so he could sit up straighter and reclaimed his smoke. Angela draped her legs across his lap and balanced her arms across her knees.

“One that a girl could lose herself to, if she wanted to get lost.”

“Yeah, well there ain’t exactly a line forming for that.” He made a point of not making eye contact with her.

“You know what I think? I think that you were looking to forget some troubles today too.”

She wasn’t wrong. Tatiana had only written to him once since she had fled Melbourne. It was what he and his army mates called the “Dear Johnny Letter.” In it she had been nice enough and very thankful to him for helping her start her new life but her feelings about him romantically had not changed. She made a point of writing that he was, _the kind of man any woman would come to love._  

He had tried not to let it bother him. He’d even tried to joke about it when Cec had asked about her. But it stung, a lot. So yes, Angela was right, today had been about forgetting. He had hoped to fuck himself senseless enough so that he could go back to his flat and finally get a proper night’s sleep.  

“Bert honey? You in there?”

Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “Yeah, maybe I was trying to do some forgetting today.” He attempted to physically shrug it all off. “I guess you could say I was carrying a torch for someone who wasn’t much into building a fire and leave it at that. So, what troubles are you trying to forget? You seem to be sitting pretty from what I’ve seen.”

She was still sitting on his lap, so in an attempt to distract him from his question she wiggled her bum. She felt his body start to respond. “I’m sitting real pretty at this moment. That’s for sure.” 

“Cheeky vamp.” He pulled the smoke out of his mouth to gesture in the space between them. We were having a bleedin’ moment here.”

She gave him her best vampy smile before leaning over to kiss him. She found she very much liked kissing him. Smokers weren’t her favorite lovers, although she didn’t mind the occasional indulgence, but his tobacco was surprisingly sweet and earthy. She slid her hands behind his head and let the kiss hover between their lips for a few moments. The urgency of earlier was gone. They parted their lips and Angela slid her tongue over the threshold seeking out his. Between kisses Bert muttered loudly and clearly enough for her to hear.

“This doesn’t change anything. You still haven't answered the question.”

Angela broke apart from kissing Bert with a dramatic sigh and curled into his chest. “Okay then, there’s not a lot of home to be getting back to at the moment. This divorce from my husband has managed to make him even more of a wet blanket than he already was. Also, I am not a fool and know darn well that I am only one injury away from being put out to pasture. But, before I return to my soon-to-be ex-husband and his lawyer’s baloney, I do have one last tournament in Sydney. Then off to Hawaii to play some exhibition match before setting sail for the States. So, sure, life could be worse. It could also be better.”

While she was talking she was becoming more animated and began speeding up her words. Meanwhile, the fingers that had been toying with his chest hair were now following the line of fine hair that led down his belly to the course curls surrounding his….

He gently stopped her hand. “Okay, no need to get worked up love. Seems to me we are both doing way more remembering right now than forgetting. I have an idea, come with me love.” Before she could form an answer, he raised himself up, taking her with him. He swooped her up in his arms and carried her over to the shower.

Angela wasn’t sure what impressed her more, his ability to sweep her off her feet, or the fact that he did it with the cigarette hanging from his lips the entire time. She giggled. “You are definitely a man of many talents Bert Johnson.”

His grin was made all the more roguish by the cigarette. He set her legs down gently and pulled her into an embrace. She plucked the remaining butt from his lips, then took one last drag before tossing it into the potted plant nearby. Angela spun in Bert’s arms to reach for the water taps. The weather had been so warm lately that the water coming out of the shower wasn’t cold and they positioned themselves underneath the spray.

It felt good to wash away the sweat and stickiness of their earlier exertions. However, it didn’t take long for helping hands to linger longer than necessary with their cleansing duties. Bert soaped up his hands and caressed her breasts, cupping her and letting his fingers brush across her nipples. She loved the contradiction of his calloused hands moving across her so gently. He leaned down to kiss her from her neck down to her breast. He flicked his tongue across her pebbled nipple and she let out a mewl of pleasure.  

Then he sank down on his knees, kissed across her belly, over her hip, down her thigh and back up again. He nuzzled into the crease between her upper thigh and entrance and tickled her with his tongue. He stroked a hand up the back of her thigh, lifting it up and over his shoulder. This changed her giggles to sighs of contentment as she watched him submerge himself between her thighs. (twice in the same day!)

She loved the sensations of this new angle, his scruffy cheeks, and his hands caressing her ass. But it had been a rather active afternoon already and she felt her standing leg starting to buckle underneath her. “Step back” he growled and then helped her balance as she stepped further into the shower cove and he slid forward. Before resuming his ministrations, he slid his hand around her standing leg and helped lift that thigh over his other shoulder.

She was able to lean her back against the cool porcelain, reach one hand to balance against the side of the shower and the other on his head. Bert drove his tongue back inside her and her toes curled as he began tongue-fucking her in earnest. It didn’t take long for her to feel the delicious electricity of her orgasm to ripple up and through her whole body. She screamed something, it may have been his name.

Angela gingerly dismounted from Bert’s shoulders and steadied herself by balancing against the porcelain alcove of the shower. Bert stood up and let the stream of water wash his face a moment. He ran his finger through his hair and grinned impishly. “Hope I wasn’t taken a liberty?”

She reached out and let her fingers wander across his chest. She became fascinated watching the water bead up on his shoulders before drizzling down over his nipples. She followed the rivulets as they cascaded over his hip bones.

“I can’t imagine any dame turning something like that down, I know I never would.”

She slowly slid her hands up from his hips to his chest. Her fingers traced lazy circles around his nipples. Bert shivered despite the steam swirling around them. Angela continued moving upward, letting her fingers stroke up his neck to the back of his head where she dug her fingers into his hair. Instead of reaching up to kiss him again she leaned forward and began nibbling his ear.

Bert loved feeling her teeth and tongue on his earlobe while their nipples slid past each other. He felt the blood rush to his groin. He slid a hand down her back, paused to caress her ass and then swept down to her thigh guiding it up to his hip. She murmured words of encouragement in his ear. He lined himself up with her and then plunged inside. She was warm, welcoming and fit him like a glove.


	5. Vertical Discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bert and Angela come up for air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Real life definitely got in the way. Thanks again to everyone who has embraced this kooky duo. I have kind of fallen in love with this pairing so expect to see more! And Bert may have a Mac, because everyone needs a Mac in their life. Cec is his Dot.

“Fuck, why do you feel so fucking good?”

“I could ask you the same Bert. Although I might choose different words.”

They were interlocked in a tight embrace with him deep inside her. Their hands caressed up and down each other’s backs as they savored the closeness, the unexpected connection that had tethered them to each other for the better part of the day now. 

He flashed her a quick look of concern but saw the mischief in her eyes. “Is my talk too dirty for you?” In response she grabbed his ass and pulled him closer. “I can’t say I’ve had one complaint regarding your mouth today.” She smiled impishly and nipped at his lip.

“Feelings mutual love.”

Even with supporting each other’s weight there was an element of instability to the position they were in, however, the angle was amazing and despite a few initial awkward thrusts it didn’t take long for them to establish a rhythm together.

The loss of hot water was abrupt. Hot, pearls of water became almost shards of glass in seconds.

The sudden and dramatic shift from hot to cold water shocked them both. It was unexpected, it  was electrifying. The cold sent him further inside her, seeking warmth and the increased friction sent waves of pleasure through both of them.

“Bloody pipes!” He started to reach for the handle.

“No, leave it. Just keep going!” He’d heard the urgency in her voice and renewed his thrusting.

The speed and intensity of his orgasm was surprising. He buried his mouth against her neck in an attempt to suppress the primal cry that burst forth from somewhere deep within.

“Bite down Bert, bite now!” 

He was still rock hard inside her and did what she asked. She thrust her hips against him. He was so sensitive at this point he whimpered. His hot mouth against the sensitive spot at the base of her now chilled neck sent the most incredible sensations through her body and triggered her own release. She made no attempt to muffle her own cry of pleasure. 

She dropped her very shaky leg down past his thigh and they just held each other catching their breaths. The initial shock of the cool water had diminished and the coolness against their hot skin felt brisk and refreshing.

With a shaky hand, Bert reached over to turn off the taps. Icy cold could switch to scalding hot just as unexpectedly and the thought of it made him shiver in horror, not pleasure. Between their exertions and the shock of the cold water, he was even more breathless than expected. “I can’t say I’ve done that before, you?”

Her muscles were screaming with life. It was not unlike the end of a match. Sore, aching and blissfully humming with energy.

“Never during sex. It was glorious. You okay?”

“Strangely, I feel better than okay. I feel really awake and my muscles are tingly. But Angela love, we better get a move on. That last wail of yours might have been heard in Collingwood. I reckon someone from the house is bound to come poking around here soon.”

“You afraid of being caught with your pants down or being caught with me?”

“Mix of both, but pants down is definitely top of mind right now. I have to face Mrs. Stanley’s staff on the regular, love. Don’t need them gossiping my business.”

Bert grabbed a couple of towels. He handed one to Angela then wrapped the other around his waist before making his way back to his clothes. Angela quickly dried her hair then slipped the towel around herself to follow him into the other room. She wasn’t ready to let him out of her sight just yet. Watching his damp torso in motion, his tousled hair, his walk with the towel hugging his ass just so, filled her with warmth and a wave of new deliciously naughty thoughts. However, her insatiable hunger for him began warring with a very different hunger altogether.

“As much as my imagination would like to keep ravishing you, and believe me honey, the spirit is still very willing, the flesh alas is weak. I think my stomach might be telling me it’s time for sustenance. I’ve lost track of time sweetie but I am pretty sure there are over ten hours of guarding me in your future so maybe some of that time might involve sitting down for a meal?”

As if in response, Bert’s stomach growled vociferously. Bert was mortified and looked over to her very sheepishly. She couldn’t help but giggle in response. “How are you so adorable and so sexy at the same time? The boyish grin on his weathered features made her heart melt a little. Oh dear, that wasn’t a good sign.  _ Remember Angela, this is just a last fling before leaving Melbourne. _

She broke eye contact and suddenly became interested in putting on her clothes. “Should we see if Mrs. Stanley’s crew has tea snacks laid out for us?”

“I may be tasked with keeping an eye on you by Miss Fisher, but Mrs. Stanley’s crew doesn’t know that. Just so you know, Mrs. Stanley doesn’t regularly invite me to sit in the parlour having tea cakes and tiny sandwiches with her. I’d take you to the nearby pub but it’s got to be time for the six o'clock swill and I don’t think you’d appreciate the company. Let’s get dressed and I’ll drive us to my club, they have a ladies lounge.”

“Finally, I’ll see what real Australians eat. It’s been nothing but cocktail parties and training breakfasts so far. I could have been just about anywhere in the world.” She realized how pretentious that probably sounded and sheepishly glanced over to him for his reaction.

He had started to say something snappy back but the look of contrition on her face softened his response. He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“Alright then, hope the bloody Queen of Sheba packed a humble frock so she can dine with the ‘real Australians.’”

“Sorry Bert, that did sound something awful. But I promise to find a way to make it up to you….”

And with that, she dropped her towel and let him take in the complete view of her body as she made her way to the changing room to grab her caftan and collect her swimsuit.

It didn’t matter that he’d been looking at her for the better part of the day, his eyes devoured the sight of her as she sauntered off. He loved her brazenness, especially in contrast to the vulnerability he’d seen as she had come apart in his arms. Bert had no doubt he would be happy to let her “make it up to him” this evening, after his body had had some recovery time and a bit of sustenance. 

She may well be the death of me, but if this is how I go, I go with a smile on my face.

They managed to secret their way in and out of her room so she could change into real clothes, avoiding any prying eyes in the process They had even managed to accomplish this with only a few stolen kisses and one dangerous one that threatened to derail the mission. But, the need for food finally won in the end and they made their way to the cab without much more than an occasional fondle.

When they reached the cab, Bert started to head to his side, but then thought better of it and scurried over to open her door for her. Standing in front of her, both of them fully clothed, Bert oddly felt more shy. He fumbled a bit with the door before finally opening it and helping her inside. Angela stifled a smile at his sudden awkwardness.

She saw him shake his head and mutter to himself a bit as he made his way to the driver’s side. _For Petes' sake Bert, you've been inside her most of the day. Just because it feels like a date doesn't mean you have to turn into a bloody school boy._ By the time he slid in next to her he seemed to have composed himself again. 

His confidence boosted further as he was able to play tour guide on the way through town. Angela really hadn’t had any time to explore Melbourne. She rarely did when she was at a tournament. She enjoyed being able to sit back and let him point out the places that were of interest to him. She now knew where to find drinkable sly grog, the luckiest place to make a bet, the alleyway for the best dice game, the tastiest pie cart, and of course Communist Party headquarters. 

She found his excitement at sharing his city with her utterly enthralling. His passion for the city and the characters that inhabited it reminded her of her friends pre-marriage and international tennis career. The parties and travel was still fun but she found she had missed the simple pleasures of having roots to a place. 

She was snapped from her reverie when Bert made a particularly daring turn in front of a tram. “Sorry about that love. Damn trams have overtaken the bloody city.” (In truth, he may have been more than a little distracted watching the light fabric of Angela’s dress flutter over her collarbone revealing a peek at her lace camisole underneath and the fiery tendril of hair that had escaped its pins and was framing her elegant jaw.) “But, here we are, all in one piece!”

“Nice driving Bertie Boy! You’d think you drove for a living or something.” A few of his mates were outside the club and much to his irritation, had clearly seen the near miss with the tram. He hopped out and rushed over to escort her from the cab. He wanted to get her inside quickly to minimize the... “Woah Bert, where’d you find a pretty bird like that!?” “You lost Duchess?” “Nah, more like a Princess. Hey, it’s the Princess and the Frog!” This elicited guffaws and a wave of catcalls. 

Angela was hardly a stranger to the attention of men and knew how to handle herself. However, she didn’t want to make things too tough for Bert so she decided to go with honey instead of vinegar. She made a big show of curling into Bert’s arm, leaned over and gave him kiss on the cheek. Then, in an exaggerated stage whisper so the others could hear, “When we get done with supper I intend suck that dick of yours in the cab until you see stars.” 

Bert’s breathe caught in his throat for a second. He looked over at her, thinking maybe he’d imagined the whole thing until he saw the wicked smile on her lips and sparkle in her eyes. He suddenly felt seven feet tall. He straightened himself up to his full height. He smiled back at her, the crinkles around his eyes sending a flutter of excitement through her. The two of them proceeded to stride past the men (their mouths now agape) and made their way to the side entrance where the Ladies Lounge was located.

“I can’t believe you said that!” He said all in a rush, once they were inside. 

“Was it too much?” 

“Well, it go their attention that’s for sure!” 

“What about you, did I get your attention?” 

By way of response he placed one of her hands across the front of his trousers where she could feel his oncoming erection. The wicked smile returned, “Good, I was worried you might have tired of me, now that we’re dressed.” 

“Not by a long shot. You just get more interesting. I admit, I had the same worry love.”

She felt her heart melt a bit with his confession. She had certainly had men flirt with her over the years, but it had been way too long since she had been with someone with no hidden agenda. He really seemed to like her for being her.

She framed his face with her hands and looked him in the eyes. “Not a chance I’m going to tire of you any time soon. I intend to enjoy every last minute of Melbourne with my chaperone.”

The only thing that broke apart their gazing at each other was the club’s bartender who cleared her throat loudly. “You love birds intending to sit like civilized people? Or should I call that constable friend of yours Bert?”

Maud was about ten years older than Bert. She was wearing a clean, but worn, button down shirt and vest like a man. She had her sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her close cropped hair and complete lack of makeup told Angela she would likely have more interest in her than him. 

Bert turned to Angela and gave her a quick wink before they headed over to the bar to secure a couple of seats.

“Come on Maud, you had your chance, but you turned me down flat!” 

“Yeah yeah, best offer I ever had. Been crying myself to sleep ever since in regret. I take it a pint for you, Romeo? What about you Juliet?”

“Whiskey. And the name’s Angela, Juliet was a child and I am very much a woman ”

Maud looked at her with renewed interest and lingered longer than necessary with her eyes. 

“Alright, this one’s already a major upgrade Bertie. Did you finally win some bet against the devil?”

“Bloody hell, you lot are relentless.”

“And yet, here you are.” She shot him a crooked smile, her eyes full of mirth and set down their drinks.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Of Homecomings and Second Chances](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7986013) by [MercurialBianca_TheHonorableMrsMcCarthy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercurialBianca_TheHonorableMrsMcCarthy/pseuds/MercurialBianca_TheHonorableMrsMcCarthy)




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